I recently finished reading Portrait of a Marriage a autobiography/biography by Vita Sackville-West and her son Harold Nicholson. The focus of the book, as the title indicates, is the marriage of Vita and Harold Nicholson. They were married in 1913 and had a very unconventional marriage for that time (and for now too) as they both had affairs with members of the same sex (Vita had affairs with men and women) but somewhow managed to make their relationship work and they seemed happier than many other more traditional married couples.
Nigel describes his parents take on marriage in the following manner:
Marriage, they thought...was "unnatural." Marriage was only tolerable for people of strong character and independent minds if it were regarded as a lifetime association between intimate friends. It was a bod that should last only as long as both wanted it it. (Both, for this reason, were stongly in favor of easier divorce.) But as a happy marriage is "the greates of human benefits," husband and wife must strive hard for its success.
Interesting, no? Of course, even with their progressive views on sexuality, they were still living within a heterosexual framework. I wonder what they would say about marriage if they were alive today.
This book was definitely an interesting read, but Nigel chose to wait until the very end to share that his parents were racist and antisemitic. It seems odd that people who were so open-minded about sexuality could be close-minded about people of other ethnicities, races, and religion. In the end, I thought of them as people willing to only accept their own differences from "mainstream" society but not others.
I do, however, agree that a strong friendship is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. And in honor of that here is a little photo of my intimate friend and I in Barcelona during our honeymoon.
you two are very cute. the book sounds interesting too!
Posted by: mati | March 24, 2006 at 12:38 PM
thanks for the review - the book sounds worth reading, and the photo of you two is lovely. belated thanks also for the present - i've been wearing the bracelet to death and am currently weighing up who is special enough to deserve the mini-postcard ;)
Posted by: suzy | March 24, 2006 at 06:22 PM
what a beautiful couple!!!!!
Posted by: Amanda Woodward | March 24, 2006 at 07:05 PM
Cute photo! I like that phrase "my intimate friend", it's true. That's interesting that the couple were so progressive in some facets, but not in others. I guess everyone is like that...
Posted by: Julia | March 24, 2006 at 07:13 PM
What a beautiful photo.
Posted by: Gina | March 25, 2006 at 12:10 AM
Julia is right "intimate friend" sounds so lovely! "Difference" is a changing factor... today is usual havings kids without beeing married or living in a homosexual couple. Imagine this 100 years ago!
Actually, I'm 36 and it was our 16 years of marriage in february! That's less usual today :)
I think everyone has the right to choose for himself!
:)
Posted by: Natacha | March 28, 2006 at 12:10 AM